Intentional Living: Chapter 1, Introduction
I’m in the process of writing a new book based on my growth in self-awareness about myself, my wife and our relationship. The following text is the introduction to the book. Is this something that you want to hear more about as the book progresses? Leave a comment below.
Section 1: The Journey
Introduction
“Life is for living and working at.
If you find anything or anybody a bore,
the fault is in yourself.”
Queen Elizabeth I [i]
My marriage’s Doomsday Clock was at 23:59:57 and I was asleep and unaware of my world.
At 23:59:58 a sense of unease roused me, but I was unable to identify the cause.
As clock flicked to 23:59:59 I suddenly woke to the harsh reality that my marriage was about to collapse or explode. I didn’t know what would happen, but I realized I was the problem, and if my marriage was going to survive, I had to change my attitudes and actions.
This book is the story of how I reset my marriage’s Doomsday Clock by becoming intentional in all my thoughts and actions towards my wife and our relationship.
INTENTIONALITY: An attitude of purposefulness, with a commitment to deliberate action. (Dictionary.com)
Our world is teeming with incessant demands on our time and attention, so it’s no surprise that we slip into ruts and habits that keep us moving without thinking and responding without reasoning. We feel the need to shield ourselves from the relentless barrage of information by relying on familiar patterns and habitual responses. In doing so we risk disconnection from the world around us and the people who share our lives because we shut down, stop noticing, responding, and caring.
Our health and well-being can be jeopardized which can affect all areas of our lives, most significantly, our personal relationships. We end up living an unintentional life where the events and people are taken for granted.
‘Living the dream’ or ‘living your best life’ are often held up as the goals of our western society, but there is no escaping life’s struggles. There seems to be a gulf between what we want and what we experience, and we can be so busy trying to make ends meet that we don’t have time to evaluate our lives. We cannot achieve everything we want to do, so sacrifices and compromises are made, and life is driven by the tyranny of the urgent.
This book is not about self-actualization where I encourage the reader, to be a better person so that you can face life’s problems with confidence. Rather, it focuses on how you can use intentional ideas and actions to improve your relationships with others, and especially with your life partner or spouse. If your relationship has room for improvement, then the pages that follow will give you ideas and suggestions which can be applied in your life.
I will share how unintentionality took a toll on my relationship with my wife and jeopardized my marriage. My mental wiring (Autism Spectrum Disorder, level 1 (ASD‑1)), my introverted personality, and my upbringing all contributed to the difficulties I experienced, but they were not the primary issue. The real problem was that I had stopped investing in my marriage. I was living an unintentional life.
The journey towards intentionality requires commitment and focus, and as with all major endeavors, you will need tools and skills to help you reach your destination. Throughout this book, I will use the metaphor of tools which you can use to help achieve positive outcomes as you work towards a stronger and more intentional life, and specifically in your relationship with your spouse or partner.
I will share many of the tools I used to regain mental, emotional, and relational strength. Most importantly, I’ll discuss how these tools helped rebuild my marriage.
You will need strong boots because the journey takes a lifetime, good maps or plans because it is easy to lose focus, reliable tools to be successful, and commitment to the goal.
This journey is not a one-time fix, but a lifelong commitment to seeking the best in yourself, your world, and especially in your significant relationships. I hope that my experience will help others forge paths of intentionality in their marriages and interpersonal relationships.
I call this “The Practice of Intentionality”.
Blessings for the journey,
Brian
“An Intentional Marriage” is available in Kindle and paperback on all Amazon stores.
Click here for the US Amazon.com store.
Click here for the UK Amazon.co.uk store.
Click here for the Australian Amazon.co.au store.
- God is Hiding in Plain Sight - 10 December 2024
- Consumed by Fire - 13 August 2024
- Attitudes, Actions and Outcomes - 14 June 2024